Death Trance Drabbles
by Ink Flute
Summary: Have you read Telophase's recap of the movie? Did you buy the movie because of it? Do you long to see some Captain Exposition/Kuwabara slash? Brought to you by courtesy of a warped sense of humor; I own nothing but the mushrooms.
1. Missions and Mushrooms

Pairing: None yet.

For the purpose of: Science!

Dedicated to: Telophase's recap.

Disclaimer: Has not owned, does not own, and will not own Death Trance etc.; does own the mushrooms.

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Ryuen never expected to be given an important mission. In fact, he suspected that he had been sent out to gather "…mushrooms… the special kind… somewhere in the forest," to keep him out of the way while the other monks decided what to do about him. They thought he was a weenie just because he didn't like the way the statues' eyes followed him when he walked by.

Upon his return (after deciding that 'mushrooms… the special kind' did not grow in the forest surrounding the Tougan Temple and perhaps the arch-bishop, in his great age and senility, had meant something else), he was mildly confused to find his fellow monks strewn unconscious among the statues. Or maybe dead, but if they were, he didn't want to touch them, and if they weren't, they'd probably wake up without his help.

Trailing his fingers along the walls he approached the inner sanctum. The dying arch-bishop's large white eyebrows frowned at him, as if to say, _Where are the mushrooms?_ Ryuen was almost relieved when the arch-bishop harrumphed and jerked his chin towards the chains hanging about the sanctum.

Mildly confused, Ryuen suddenly noticed that the coffin that was usually to be found therein was gone! OH NOEZ! The arch-bishop gave him a wrapped up sword, told him not to be a weenie, and sent him to find the man with the coffin and stop him from opening it because opening the coffin would release the Goddess of Destruction, who would then destroy the world. Eventually, the eyebrows proved more intimidating than the prospect of hunting down the man who stole the coffin armed only with a staff, a wrapped sword, and facial tattoos.


	2. Bondage With Bandits

Pairing: Captain Exposition/Kuwabara (aka Ryuen/Sid) (aka that monk/the guy with the hair)

For the purpose of: Mild confusion.

Dedicated to: Telophase's recap.

Disclaimer: Has not owned, does not own, and will not own Death Trance etc.

* * *

The arch-bishop had not been able to tell Ryuen in which direction the man with the coffin had gone, so he wandered until he got the same eerie tingle in his spine he had gotten that day years before when a man had walked over to him in the street and said, "You know kid, we're short a monk." That had led to the facial tattoos.

This time the tingle proved warning of bandits equipped for serious bondage! Ryuen ran like a weenie, but failed to escape; instead he was cornered by a big muscular guy with a tan and a huge sword. The bandit with the eye patch shaped like an eye consulted with the big muscular guy, then stepped forward and spoke. "You coming from the East Temple, ain't cha? Hand over the coffin!" Ryuen was mildly confused; it was perfectly obvious that he was not carrying a coffin. He supposed it might be remotely plausible to someone of limited intelligence that the coffin might be cowering somewhere under his shapeless robes.

The man stepped back for another muttered exchange, then turned back to Ryuen. "So you deaf or something?"

Ryuen stood still, struck mute by confusion.

After another consultation, the eye eye patch bandit said. "Boy, it's your lucky day. Kill HIM!"

The other green-wrapped bandits stepped forward… Ryuen's vision hazed as his pitiful life flashed before his eyes... and then one of the bandits thudded to the forest floor with a rope around his neck! A boot planted itself on the bandit's chest and the other bandits stilled.

No--it wasn't just a boot--the boot was on a LEG! And the leg was attached to a blue-clad man with the puffiest, most beautiful brown hair Ryuen had ever seen.

"Looks like you need a hand," the man said, retrieving the rope of his whip and strapping it back to his belt. The bandits charged him en masse.

Ryuen watched, heart pounding, as the man drew a katana to cross blades with the man in front of him, and then produced a gun to shoot the men coming up behind him. It was like a symphony of gun- and sword-play. Ryuen sighed with longing as the man dispatched all the bandits but the one with the "eye" patch.

The eye patch bandit attempted to flee as the man posed beyond the corpse of the man with the huge sword.

"Where you going?" The man emphasized his query with a gunshot.

"N-nowhere?" asked the bandit.

The man grunted and jerked his chin in the direction of the open forest. Ryuen held his breath. Would this bandit be allowed to escape just retribution?

The man smiled, assembled a studded black bazooka, and fired it. The missile curved through the trees and blew up the bandit. Something landed next to Ryuen with a thud. He looked down; it was a leg.

The man with the hair remarked, "That's gonna leave a scar."

Ryuen realized that he had fallen in love.


	3. Dreams of Daring

Pairing: Captain Exposition/Kuwabara's Hair (aka Ryuen/Sid's Hair) (aka that monk/the hair of the guy with the hair)

For the purpose of: Crackfic needs none!

Dedicated to: Telophase's recap.

Disclaimer: Has not owned, does not own, will not own Death Trance etc.

* * *

For the purposes of the drabble, we now assume that Sid told Ryuen his name somewhere in between the part with the bandits and them camping. Thank you for your suspension of disbelief.

xxxxx

The man with the hair--Sid, Ryuen reminded himself--was also looking for the coffin. Apparently, according to rumor, anyone who opened the coffin would be granted a wish. Ryuen wondered why anyone would believe in a wish-granting coffin, and explained about the Goddess of Destruction. Sid didn't believe him. But then, Ryuen had never been good at getting people to believe him…

/"You're going to be a trainee monk in the East Temple? You ALREADY have the facial tattoos? IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME? Don't say such ridiculous things," totally ignoring the bandages on the kid's face./

Ryuen was reluctant to insist; he kept getting lost in Sid's eyes. Not wanting to irritate his beloved, instead he took the usual road of looking like a weenie. When he laid himself down to rest, he thought he would never be able to sleep for fear of Sid vanishing in the night. But he had had an exhausting day full of severe emotional traumas, and between one contemplative breath and the next he slipped into the dark world of dreams… let's follow him.

:Ryuen floated in darkness. It clung to him with cold fingers and he felt himself to be rigid with terror. Then in the darkness came a light… a shape… Like the prow of a ship, Sid's hair sailed into sight, splitting the shadows and easing the paralysis. Eyes wide, Ryuen reached out with trembling fingers and _touched the hair…_:

On second thought, let's leave him to dream in privacy, eh?


	4. Follicles in Philosophy

Point of View: Kuwabara's Hair (aka Sid's Hair) (aka the hair of the guy with the hair)

For the purpose of: Carrots. The good kind.

Dedicated to: Telophase's recap.

Disclaimer: Has not owned, does not own, will not own Death Trance etc.

* * *

The Hair was not amused by the near miss it had had with a large sword. Sid had cut it too close, so to speak; it had actually lost the tips of a few strands! At least they had been split ends. In a huff, it hunched unhappily on Sid's head as he set up camp with the cause of the disaster; some boy with a disfiguring skin disease and a wimpish aura that completely ruined his credibility.

Goddess of Destruction indeed! As if a monk from the temple in which the coffin had been kept for over a hundred years could know more about it than a very reliable rumormonger did. The Hair did not like the way the monk kept caressing it and its bearer with his eyes. It would have blushed if it could. When the monk finally went to sleep, it relaxed a little and settled in for the night.

In the morning the Hair preened as Sid stroked it. It puffed itself up under the gentle prodding of his fingers. It luxuriated in Sid's obeisance, trying all the while to ignore the sidelong, wide-eyed glances the monk kept throwing it. Once tended to, the Hair found itself contemplating several Deep Philosophical Questions.

Did it own Sid or did Sid own it?

If Sid ever shaved it off, would it cease to exist as a separate sentient being?

Most importantly, was that monk ever going to go away?

Then it sensed the coffin and stood on end to alert Sid.


End file.
